Challenge your manager. It is conducive to your Mental Health.

Photo by Matt Flores on Unsplash

We all have been guilty of it. When our manager knowingly (or unknowingly in some cases) does not support us, we foster anger. We become upset. We vent and moan to our confidants. However, why do we not speak to our manager directly about the lack of transparency and support? Why are we not able to confront them, with the same conviction we would use if the situation was reverse? If we were managers, and our employees were not performing to standard, we are expected to speak to them, coach them, and eventually come to a solution. Should our managers not be held to the same standard, if they are not performing to standard as a leader? We may think they are on a different level, but I am here to say: they are not.

Time and time again, we give our management a free pass when we should not have to. Unfortunately, there are many leaders out there who are not qualified to manage people. They lack the emotional intelligence to deal with a team and cannot comprehend that people deal with certain work scenarios differently. We all manage stress differently. Instead of learning in how to adjust their management style to the specific individuals, they try conform their team member to a ‘model’ employee. As a result, the employee feels obliged to follow, ensuring their careers are not compromised — going against their own values and moral structure. Another scenario may be the employee disagrees wholeheartedly, and begins to resent their manager, their situation, and the overall company for allowing this to occur. We pass it off as this being the ‘norm’ and there is nothing we can do to change their behavior. However, if we do not speak up, then nothing will change.

Our workforce has a responsibility to not only provide a safe and open environment for our careers to flourish, yet also retain management that is helpful to the overall organization’s success. It is no longer acceptable for managers to be careless with one’s career. This includes coaching, stress management, support in difficult situations, and guidance on career progression. And everything in between. It is management’s responsibility, and yes, duty, to hold all of this at the highest regard. Sure, they may have their own career aspirations, woes, and complaints but that does not negate yours. Becoming a manager is just not flashing the title and spending the additional income on expensive holidays. Management is a coveted spot in any organization because you directly impact an employee’s career. Our careers are naturally so emotionally invested, and if we are not receiving the support and guidance we so rightfully deserve, then it is time to challenge the manager. It is time to challenge the organization.

Regardless if you agree with this statement or not, our mental health is constantly on the hook at the workplace. When it comes to our own careers, and the support we need to thrive, our emotions run high. Bottling up our frustration with the management structure can lead to constant resentment and anxiety. We do not deserve that. You do not deserve that. So what do we do? How can we change a culture from our management not taking responsibility for their actions? It may be daunting, yet it can be quite simple.

1. Understand your end goal — Whatever the situation may be, understand your underlying emotion behind it. Do not mask those emotions — embrace it. This will allow you to understand the true reason behind your feelings — ultimately making you realize what you want to change. You will not be able to even articulate your frustrations properly without this step. Once you get to this point, you will be able to create a plan of action.
2. Conduct research — Now that you have an action, what do you do with it? As mentioned, challenging any organization and the management can be frightening. You do not want to come across disloyal to the company, and compromise your career. Hence, you need to do a bit of investigation on what the proper channels are to escalate an issue. The last thing you need is for people to lose faith in your credibility — as emotions sometimes can blind practical thinking. It is worth figuring out who you need to speak to, and how to do it professionally so that you have done everything from your end. No one can raise any fingers.
3. Find your support — Reach out to your ‘go-to’ person and tell them your situation. If they are more senior than you, even better. They can potentially help you in navigating these turbulent waters. Listen to their advice, and ask for objective tips so you have another pair of eyes to double check your story. If you truly feel there is no one at the company that can help you — then that may be a bigger issue at hand. Company culture is defined by the people who work at the organization. If you do not have a single confidant at the company, then maybe that company is not the right fit for you. Some may think this is unprofessional, yet that is a bit of an archiac view. We bring so much of ourselves into work on a daily basis, our personalities are bound to spill over with colleagues — leading into connections and friendships.
4. Confidence is a choice — At the end of the day, your story matters, and you deserve a manager that will have your back and support you. However, if you do not confidently deliver your message to the right people, your message may be diluted. Management may be able to poke holes and find excuses to not help you. I’ve seen it multiple times where the intention seems right, yet if there is no plan of action or a lack of confidence from the individual, management is slow to make a change. So being confident is key, and please remember — confidence is 100% a choice. We are not born with this. We choose to have it. It comes with practice and more practice. Similar to how we used to study for exams. Confidence is merely training that muscle in our brain to tackle a situation. It always helps when you have a clear indicative plan that outlines our rights at the workplace.

Recently, I had to face a very similar situation and raised issues to my management and ultimately to HR. Challenging an organization’s culture, and the specific people behind it, is very draining. I naturally thought about how my management would feel. Would they feel I betrayed them? Would I seem ungrateful for everything they have done for me? Should I just not stay silent, because fighting is not worth the ordeal to raise this? The answer is no. We have HR for a reason. We have policies in place for a reason. Companies invest millions of dollars a year to ensure our rights are protected at the workplace. We now have to exercise that right — and asking for a fair manager, asking for a supportive manager, should not be unattainable. If we can work with true dedication, hard work and grit, then managers should do absolutely the same — and then some.

One last item to keep in mind — change does not occur overnight. You may not want to add more stress onto your plate, but I will be the first person to say this process is truly rewarding. My mental health is far more important than what my manager will think of me afterwards. As much as we may preach that our work lives are separate from our personal lives, it is hard to live that way. Our moods switch with our loved ones if we are constantly thinking about work outside of it. The notion “I leave work at work” is not effective when we are temperamental with our friends, or decide not to go out at all because we are mentally and emotionally drained. I can not guarantee raising concerns at your company will change the overall culture, but it gives you back control of the situation. It takes immense courage to get to this step, and you should be 100% proud of the progress. It’s not about winning, it’s about taking a stance and fighting for yourself. This process in itself will relieve a lot of that stress, and free up your mind for things that are important to you. Remember one last point: You are in the driver’s seat of your career and if your company does not appreciate you, then leave that car and find yourself another mode of transportation. There are plenty of options, and you will ultimately determine which one serves you best.